I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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