i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
