I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize