if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
