Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
