Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
