So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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