Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
