everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
