Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
