when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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