dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone came in the potted fern
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
