I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
