After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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