how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
