i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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