i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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