he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
