Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
