So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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