I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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