i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
