Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
