Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
