Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
