i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
