More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
