He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
