...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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