Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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