im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
