mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
