3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
