Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
