I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
