I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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