I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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