and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
