i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
