dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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