Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The adults are the big ones right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
