Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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