Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
