sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Randomize
