He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Iβve gone two rounds already this morning and Iβm ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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