best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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