Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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