Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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