I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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