Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it hurts more in the daytime
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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