Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
