Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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