Define "chronic" masturbator.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
