Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
