kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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