my mouth tastes like poor choices
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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