I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
