Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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