When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
