the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
