Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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