there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
