he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
