I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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