I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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