So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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