How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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