and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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