I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
