i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
