if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
