Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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