Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
