Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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