I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
