hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize